Integrity in an Untruthful World
“I began to ask other Friends about their own Integrity witness. What do they do when faced with oaths and oath-like situations? How do they respond?
Interestingly, George Fox and yearly meetings notwithstanding, most Friends I talked to admitted fudging a little when the chips are down. One Friend, when sworn in as part of a jury pool, simply didn’t raise his hand. Another didn’t stand. Some Friends have substituted the word ‘affirm’ for ‘swear’ when repeating after the judge. Others have figuratively held their noses and signed papers that were essentially oaths. Few of us, however, have chosen to make a public witness.
Why? What is behind this modern day reluctance? Is refusing to take oaths becoming dated, an historical artifact like plain dress and speech? Is it because we lack clarity and only know that we should avoid oaths but not why? Is it because the teachings of Jesus on oath taking have lost their force? Is it because we are afraid to make a scene or call attention to ourselves? Is it because we fear coming across as “holier than thou,” or like religious fanatics who maintain they don’t ever lie?
All of those reasons are likely to bear to varying degrees with Friends, depending on who we are and the situation in which we find ourselves. I can especially understand concerns about how our witness will come across to others. Friends today are right to be reticent about witnessing to their own personal integrity. Most of us know we are not paragons of truth-telling and we rightly avoid words or behaviors that call attention to ourselves rather than our witness.
But I suspect that often our reluctance is more a matter of convenience than principle. Most times, I think, we fudge because we simply find it easier to go quietly along than to witness. Faced with social pressure, many of us choose the path of least resistance. […]
But as tempting as the path of least resistance might be, I am convinced that the world today still needs our witness. Think about all the spurious advertising claims that bombard us day after day. Think about all the politicians who will say almost anything to get elected, the CEOs who hide their own mismanagement, and the religious leaders who break trust with the very people they have promised to serve.
With so much untruth around, lying has become the norm. Today, stretching the truth, and in many cases actually breaking it, is now almost expected. It is assumed that everyone will lie unless they are threatened with some dire consequence for doing so. In fact, most of us have become so accustomed to untruth that anyone who tries to be scrupulously truthful today is likely to be suspected rather than trusted.
Fortunately, I don’t think that is the whole story. The news media might not report it, but I see a growing desire for truth telling. Today, in spite of a culture that is not only rife with lies but tolerates them, an increasing number of people are at the same time searching for Integrity. Everywhere you look, people are yearning for truth. They are looking and hoping for someone, anyone, who will tell them the truth.
The need is clear. Indeed, our world right now needs Friends to testify to Integrity every bit as much as it needs us to testify to Peace. We have an historic witness that can speak directly to this need. Not only that, we also have the witness of early Friends, who often spent time in jail rather than doing anything, including taking an oath, that would compromise their integrity.
If refusing to take oaths, a traditional form of the Integrity Testimony, has lost its power, how do we testify to Integrity now? What is our witness today, in this time and in this place? What can we say here in the 21st century to publicly witness to that more truthful world Friends have been seeking since the time of Fox?”
— Shelley E. Cochran, 2019 (source)
American Quaker and nonprofit advocate
Reader Responses
How do you balance honesty with kindness?
Has there been a time when you had to choose between the two?
"I have been a yogi much longer than I have been a Quaker. I have found many similarities in the two paths and this query highlights one aspect in which the philosophies align perfectly. While many are familiar with yogic practices of asanas (physical postures), pranayama (breathing), and dhyana (meditation) — those are actually just three limbs of an 8-limbed practice. The first two limbs are the yamas (ethical guidelines) and the niyamas (internal disciplines). Each of those limbs have 5 principles. And the first two yamas are ahimsa (non-harm) and satya (truthfulness). My teacher told me long ago, and I have since shared with all my students, that ahimsa and satya must both always be present.
We must speak truth, to others and to ourselves when we take honest inventory of our lives, but we must also balance this truth with non-harm. If telling someone a truth will be difficult for them, but will result (we hope) in a net good — then it is not harmful. Sometimes there is no way to know how truth will be received. But we must ask ourselves if we have made all efforts to mitigate potential harm. I am a direct sort of person, so often in my own practice, this looks like taking a pause. Allowing myself to consider before I speak if the timing is correct and my words have been selected thoughtfully. And internally, it means assessing my actions and habits while allowing myself a little grace and compassion during tough moments."
Eva P., Salisbury, MD, USA
"Speaking the truth to another person whose behavior is harming themselves or others may be received as unkind or cruel. When I was a practicing psychotherapist I often had to confront clients who were in denial about their addiction to drugs and/or alcohol. The key to being kind and honest is how one delivers the message without shaming the person. Expressing care and concern for them, because of their self-destructive behaviors, is the kind way to deliver an honest and painful message."
Joseph I., Washington, D.C., USA
"Occasionally fellow beings do themselves and others harm and are closed to others’ kindhearted disagreement and questioning. Kindness is perceived as weakness and blunt responses work better to stimulate thinking."
Christopher G., London, UK
"I was the recipient of what was believed to be 'kindness' in that being fired, when I asked why, I was told by the Headmaster that he couldn't tell me why because he was my friend. Years later, I still don't know why, even though I tried to find out and was told that I 'had nothing to offer the school,' which was much later denied but was withheld supposedly 'out of kindness.'" Tom S., Lino Lakes, MN, USA
This Week’s Messages
Let Your “Yes” be “Yes,” and Your “No,” “No”
To Strive for Wholeness Is to Be Vulnerable
How Quakers Invented the Price Tag
Speaking Truth Is the Simplest Way of Leading Your Life
The Quaker Testimony of Truthfulness
A Vain Fear of Failure
Banner art by James Turrell
