What I Learned from My Depression
“During a recent meeting for worship at Orange Grove I was led to share a message about depression. It has become clear to me that some highly gifted people, including some Friends, have suffered from this affliction….
When Fox spoke of an ‘ocean of darkness,’ he was using a metaphor that vividly describes what many people experience during depression – a feeling of drowning in an unending sea of despair.
But Fox also experienced an ‘ocean of light’ – a sense of being buoyed up in a sea of divine love so intense it overcomes this feeling of isolation and hopelessness.
I concluded my message by remarking that there were probably people in this Meeting who had suffered or were currently suffering from depression, and were reluctant to seek help because of the stigma attached to such a condition. I encourage Friends to reach out in love to those who are depressed, and to welcome them into the ‘ocean of light and love.’
After I shared this vocal ministry, there was a time of silence, and then a Friend shared about his own experiences with depression:
‘I have suffered from depression since I was 8 years old,’ he said. ‘And I always thought it was a terrible thing. But finally, I realized that I was learning something important from my depression. I was learning how to be compassionate and empathetic….’
He concluded his testimony by saying ‘Yay for depression!’ which made everyone laugh. (Laughter being one of the best antidotes for depression.)
When Meeting ended, there was a time for sharing joys and concerns in which we ‘hold each other in the Light’ (as Quakers describe intercessory prayer). Because of this vocal ministry, my wife Jill felt safe enough to ask for prayers to help her through her depression. During a time of silence the whole Meeting surrounded us with loving thoughts, bathing us in an ‘ocean of light and love’ that was deeply healing.
It was a precious moment, one of those instances when I felt the Spirit fully present in me and in our gathered Meeting. I am infinitely grateful to Friends for practicing a form of worship that allows the Spirit to do its healing work.”
— Anthony Manousos, 2012
Quaker activist and educator
Reader Responses
When have you experienced an ocean of darkness and death or an ocean of light and love?
How do you remain open to the presence of Spirit during difficult times?
I very much like the line in the Simon & Garfunkel song Bridge Over Troubled Water which reads, "Hello darkness, my old friend, I've come to talk with you again." As a child I was quite frightened of the dark, living in a foreign country with troubles, we would often find a person or two hiding in the house at night, usually under a bed. They were running away from those who wanted to harm them and our house was one of the last on the outskirts of town. My father would mediate to ensure safety for us all. I learnt over the years to embrace the dark, to wait quietly, observe, to become familiar with the darkness, to listen into the stillness, to not be afraid.
When I am troubled, I will stay awake into the wee small hours, sitting in the dark with my troubles, thinking them through and talking to God. When the sun comes up, Light abounds, troubles are lessened, God is still with me. Sometimes to find the light, we must embrace the darkness so as to heal and find inner peace.
Saadia D., Brisbane, Queensland, Australia
I find that my Black friends have trouble with the word Darkness. But especially “dark times.”
Stephanie J., Cinnaminson, NJ, USA
I feel God's Ocean of Light every day when I connect with his Divine Love through Jesus in Prayer, in Scripture and in Service. I have especially felt an ocean of darkness for decades in the intentional killing of preborn babies who are not allowed to grow to birth. As the mother of a son adopted from Calcutta many years ago I am so grateful to his birth mother for ignoring Herod's call to kill him in her womb. I spend much of my resources in support of mothers struggling with their pregnancies. I have prayed that Quakers would develop a Friends for Life ministry as part of the Friends witness for peace.
Marilyn S., Haddonfield, NJ, USA
Please, please, please remember that George Fox's actual quote refers to an ocean of darkness and death and an INFINITE ocean of light and love.
David T., Bassendean, Western Australia, Australia
This Week’s Messages
Quakers Quotes about Hope and Despair
Cultivate Love in Quiet Ways
There Is an Ocean of Darkness, and an Infinite Ocean of Light and Love
Facing the Unacceptable Parts of Yourself
God Upholds Us
The Purpose of Darkness
Banner image: Richard Brown Lethem
Read the source of today’s quote
