Liberation From the Expectations of Gender

“Imagine a circle, and around that circle are the main colors of the rainbow. Like a rainbow, the colors do not have stark beginnings and endings, but blend into one another, the red slowly shifting to orange, orange to yellow, and so on until violet turns back to red. At the edges of this circle of colors, they are vibrant and bright, and towards the middle they blend together to get gray. Pink and blue are just two colors in this wide array, and male and female are just two genders in a wide range of possibilities. Perhaps I am a light green color, a gender the English language doesn’t have words for. I’ve met people on a wide spectrum of this rainbow.

Even within the colors we might call ‘pink’ or ‘blue,’ there are so many variations, just as there are many ways to express one’s gender even within the identities of ‘female’ and ‘male.’  If we tried to describe the whole world in terms of pink and blue, or nature’s more common green and blue, we wouldn’t be able to describe the beauty of cardinals, tulips, and autumn leaves. We also lose the beautiful diversity of humanity when we try to force it into two distinct boxes, yet modern culture has conditioned us, to varying degrees, to believe that this binary exists.

When we can know that not only is a binary a much limited version of what is truly around us, but imagine other possibilities of how a world may look, we can begin to imagine how disrupting the gender binary doesn’t just free those who transcend the binary, but liberates everyone from a mold of expectations based on their appearance at birth. There is room to grow, room to imagine what we could be if we grow to be able to see and honor and support not only the full rainbow wheel of genders, but all our nuanced intersections of experience and identity.”

— Cai Quirk, 2022 (text and art)
Quaker artist

Reader Responses

How have gender stereotypes negatively affected you?

How do you create welcoming spaces for all people, interacting with each person as a beloved child of God?

When I believe that everyone is truly equal and valuable I treat everyone as a beloved embodiment of the Spirit. I tell myself Jesus is in everyone. When I believe this in my heart I push away thoughts of judgement and feel love for the individual instead of reacting to the person's actions, my own prejudices and societal pressures. This is a decision I make in the moment. When I feel love for a person I am welcoming them into my heart.

Michele D., Ruther Glen, VA, USA
I was lucky to be brought up in a family (and society) where we were urged to do whatever we were drawn to and not to be limited by outdated and oppressive stereotypes.

I think welcoming spaces are created by stating the intention that each person be welcomed as a beloved child of God. Maybe that statement would make a good banner to display in a Meeting? I feel the more we talk of difference the more the differences become, it never seems get past the ego, if that makes any sense.

Anna B., UK
My experiences are relatively minor.

More important, I applaud you for bringing this issue forward. As a queer, cisgender-appearing, monogamous, married (to a woman) man, I occupy a rare (I think) niche. Please continue inviting us to speak up.

Jim L., Minneapolis, MN, USA

This Week’s Messages

Mon Apr 14

A Surgeon, Not a Band-Aid

“When we make efforts to not cause conflicts within our congregations so as to diminish the pastoral benefits that religious community, ritual, and teaching can offer — under the fear that discussing likely contentious and challenging issues will create rifts in our communities — we risk simply offering a Band-Aid when what is actually required is a surgeon. We do not create rifts when we address the lived reality of our congregations; we simply uncover the rifts and conflicts which were already extant.” …
Tue Apr 15

Accepting Your True Self Strengthens Your Relationship with the Divine

“Spirit invites everyone to come to the Table of the Beloved Community. We are asked to participate as our authentic selves, with our wounds, and gifts, and imperfections. We were fed and challenged by the Spirit and each other as we wrestled with the reality that there are those who do not feel invited or feel they cannot bring their whole selves to the table.” …
Wed Apr 16

The Public Universal Friend

“In 1776, a young person in Rhode Island named Jemima Wilkinson took to their bed with a fever. They fell into a coma, and their family worried they would die. But then, one day, they opened their eyes and stood up. The fever was gone, and so was Jemima Wilkinson. In their place was someone new: a divine messenger sent by God, who was not a man or a woman. They told their family their name was the Public Universal Friend.” …
Thu Apr 17

Immeasurably Enriched by the Participation of Gender-Diverse Friends

“With this minute we affirm an understanding of spiritual equality and also affirm our growing understanding and respect for gender expression, identity, and sexuality. We acknowledge that we are still learning, but we recognize that when we embrace the full spectrum of gender and sexual identities in our Meeting and across our wider community, our worship deepens and our community is enriched. We seek to extend our loving care to all people. Our experience has been that Spiritual gifts are not distributed with regard to sexual orientation or gender identity and that the life of our Meeting and its work have been immeasurably enriched over the years by the full participation and Spirit-guided leadership of gender-diverse Friends. Our experience confirms that we are all equal before God.” …
Fri Apr 18

How Modern Quakers Challenge Traditional Gender Roles

“A lot of people [are] saying, ‘Woah, hold up. This whole thing that we have going on in society is really violent.’ Whether it’s physically violent, but it’s emotionally violent. It’s violent towards us growing into who we can be, for men and women… that men have to be huge and they have to be strong all the time and they have to be loud and they have to be the leaders and they have to have all the responsibility. That is violence against men.” …
Sat Apr 19

Male and Female Are Made One in Christ

“We find many renowned women recorded in the Old Testament, who had received a talent of wisdom and spiritual understanding from the Lord. As good stewards thereof they improved and employed the same to the praise and glory of God … as male and female are made one in Christ Jesus, so women receive an office in the Truth as well as men. And they have a stewardship and must give account of their stewardship to their Lord, as well as the men. Therefore they ought to be faithful to God and valiant for his Truth upon the earth, so that they may receive the reward of righteousness.” …

Banner image: Rebecca Hoenig
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Author

  • Cai Quirk is a Quaker, genderqueer/fluid multi-disciplinary artist who connects gender, mythology, restoryation, and nature-based spirituality through photos, poems, stories, and installations. Cai’s work transcends societal binaries and barriers to reach the deeply human experience of connection.

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