I fear my gratitude is not fervent enough

Reader Responses

How do you hold onto a spirit of gratitude during difficult times?
Has gratitude ever helped you through suffering?

I almost died from the pain in 2021. I now realize that I have learned more since then than from any 4-year college degree. I cannot say I am grateful for the attacks and horrors because I don’t want to invite more, but I can say I keep learning important life lessons from those awful experiences and am grateful for that learning.

Jennifer E., Berea, KY, USA

I think of Brother David Steindl-Rast: "We cannot be grateful for everything, but in every moment there is something you can be grateful for."

Barbara D., Mönchengladbach, Germany

We always have so much to be grateful for, even when it appears otherwise. Just having been in Guatemala and seeing again the grinding poverty so many of the world’s people live with every day, I’m reminded again that we in this country have so many privileges that we forget about until they’re gone — like we in Western North Carolina experienced last year, living without water, electricity, any form of communication, and many still without homes at all after over a year. 

It’s humbling to know we are so vulnerable, and important to be grateful each day for these gifts we often take for granted, and for the challenges that remind us of our gifts.

Maggie Moon O., Black Mountain, NC, USA

When I look around, when I look outside of myself, from a position of peace in my heart, I see many things for which to be grateful.

Besides the worrisome state of the world, I’m undergoing chemotherapy and other treatments for cancer. As I awaken, the sun still shines on my right shoulder most mornings. The leaves are still turning and falling. I still hear children play. My very good dog still comes running when she sees me. I am entrenched in community. I have worthwhile and satisfying voluntary work to do.

Sometimes I am giddy with gratitude.

Patricia S., Bon Air, VA, USA

I am not endorsing being miserable, but I think being told to be grateful can make things worse if someone is truly suffering. Either they are going to feel guilty because they aren't grateful or they're going to get mad at God.

Gratitude practices need to be realistic. They also need to allow for times when you just aren't.

I don't always hold onto a spirit of gratitude and that's okay. Accepting that is good.

I think it can be helpful for people to know that it is okay to be joyful even when others are suffering or times are hard. And that we should do things that are likely to bring us joy.

Encouraging people to not feel that they must be miserable is important. Perhaps Quakers especially need this message. That I think is the religious message calling us to joy. It's not that you have to be happy all the time, it's that it's good for you when you feel happy. You deserve joy even in bad times.

Diane M., Rockville, MD, USA