Gandhi’s Approach to Loving Your Enemy
“In satyagraha*, there is always unflinching adherence to truth. It is never to be forsaken on any account. Even for the sake of one’s country, it does not permit [resorting] to falsehood. It proceeds on the assumption of the ultimate triumph of truth. A satyagrahi** does not abandon his path, even though at times it seems impenetrable and beset with difficulties and dangers, and a slight departure from that straight path may appear full of promise. Even in these circumstances, his faith shines resplendent like the midday sun and he does not despond. With truth for his sword, he needs neither a steel sword or gunpowder. Even an inveterate enemy he conquers by the force of the soul, which is love.
Love for a friend is not put to the test. There is nothing surprising in a friend loving a friend; there is no merit in it and it costs no effort. When love is bestowed on the so-called enemy, it is tested, it becomes a virtue and requires an effort, and hence it is an act of […] real bravery.
We can cultivate such an attitude even towards the Government and, doing so, we shall be able to appreciate their beneficial activities and, as for their errors, rather than feel bitter on their account, point them out in love and so get them rectified. Love does not act through fear. Weakness there certainly cannot be. A coward is incapable of bearing love, it is the prerogative of the brave. Looking at everything with love, we shall not regard the Government with suspicion, nor believe that all their actions are inspired with bad motives. And our examination of their actions, being directed by love, will be unerring and is bound, therefore, to carry conviction with them.
Love can fight; often it is obliged to. In the intoxication of power, man fails to see his error. When that happens, a satyagrahi does not sit still. He suffers. He disobeys the ruler’s orders and his laws in a civil manner, and willingly submits to the penalties of such disobedience, for instance, imprisonment and gallows. Thus is the soul disciplined. In this, one never finds that one’s time has been wasted and, if it is subsequently realized that such respectful disobedience was an error, the consequences are suffered merely by the satyagrahi and his co-workers. In the event, no bitterness develops between the satyagrahi and those in power; the latter, on the contrary, willingly yield to him. They discover that they cannot command the satyagrahi’s obedience. They cannot make him do anything against his will. And this […] means complete independence.
It need not be assumed that such resistance is possible only against civilized rulers. Even a heart of flint will melt in the fire kindled by the power of the soul. Even a Nero becomes a lamb when he faces love. This is no exaggeration. It is as true as an algebraic equation.”
*Translates to: “the force of truth and love.” Gandhi originally used the term “passive resistance” to describe his nonviolent action, but soon rejected it as a misnomer. He wanted to emphasize the power behind it, and make the distinction that satyagraha not only rejects physical violence, but violence of the spirit and hatred of one’s enemy.
**One who participates in satyagraha
— Mohandas Gandhi
Indian nonviolent revolutionary leader
Reader Responses
How do you prepare your body and spirit for a difficult conversation or interaction?
How do you remain loving during conflict?
This morning I had to prepare for a difficult conversation with a neighbour's landlord. To start with I practised breathing deeply. Then I thought about Quaker integrity and that of God in everyone. The conversation went well.
Chris M., Leicester, UK
In my work, I am fortunate to have some training and experience as a coach, working with organizational leaders. When personal conflict arises, I can turn to that coaching toolbox for the greatest tool of all: Curiosity in the form of genuine, open-ended questions. First for myself; then for the person I'm in conflict with.
It's so easy to make a conflict worse than it needs to be by making assumptions about the other person's intention, meaning, etc. When I'm at my best, I prepare for conflict by asking myself questions about my own assumptions: What am I assuming that I don't actually know? How do my assumptions serve the relationship (they usually don't!)? How can I challenge/change my own assumption(s)?
Then I think about what questions I want to ask the other person. I listened to a wonderful interview with Professor Loretta Ross on Adam Grant's ReThinking podcast this week, where she differentiated between initiating conflict by "calling out" versus "calling in." The former is the classic way we shame and cancel one another in society at large. The latter is done with love, humility, and a recognition that — in any conflict — the only perspective or behavior change we can control is our own. Influencing others must begin by setting aside shame and discovering the humanity in the person who shares the conflict with us. I love this framing. I fail to do it quite often; but it's nonetheless what I strive for.
Audrey C., Oslo, Norway
Quakers say
“There is that of God in all persons”
Do I see, name, and celebrate
the Divine in those I encounter?
Can I bring curiosity
for the Divine,
an attitude of wonder
to all I meet?
Do I enter a still Spirit
and calm breath
As we draw near?
Can I become
Sanctuary for the other
Embracing their Goodness?
William M., League City, TX, USA
I try to remember to observe rather than evaluate an interaction, as Marshall Rosenberg suggests in his book Nonviolent Communication. I find that if I shift my thinking from only meeting my own needs to acknowledging that the other person is trying to meet their needs too, I can be more empathetic. Rosenberg says that shift helps us see our common humanity: "The more we hear them, the more they'll hear us." Being heard is often the only thing we need and is the key to moving from judgement to mutual understanding.
Kathy H., DeLand, FL, USA
This Week’s Messages
Mary Dyer at the Scaffold
What Fierce Love Calls Us to Do
We Ourselves Are Part of the Oppression
Quaker Testimonies Are Made for this Hour
I Ask for Strength, but Not for Power
What to Do Against a Strong and Violent Adversary
Banner image: Zan Lombardo
Read the source of today’s quote
